Worst Movie I Ever Watched Dump

So I wrote this a while ago, when this movie was in theaters. I wanted to put it somewhere so here it shall live forever. On the internet.

Wandering Earth is stupid.

• First, the cgi is just terrible. Also, there are so many lines uttered by actors that don’t sync up with their mouths. Is this even a live action movie?

• The timeline wise doesn’t make sense at all. It should be in the far future when the sun starts dying. Doctor Who predicted that to be in the year 5000. But the movie and the technology that exists on the earth seems to be in the pretty near future. BUT the technology is like what you’ll find in the 2000s, plus additional stuff that makes it seem harder to use (like the steering wheel that doesn’t make sense) and like hologramy stuff and AI that makes it seem like futuristic tech that is placed in some 2000s hardware. And like 4000 turbo jets really can break out of the sun’s gravity? Where did they get the energy? They still have fossil fuel gas, so it’s literally not even past like 2100. But like are we (in 2019) in an energy crisis or not? How does the future solve that?

• Ok so if the sun is expanding, wouldn’t the heat be tailing the earth as it moves away? It shouldn’t be that cold. (This is a stupid theory but worth mentioning)

• The sun’s gravitational pull is 274 m/s^2 (which really doesn’t make any sense to be but whatever). Like I said, 4000 turbo jets pulled earth away from that. Yet, it wasn’t strong enough to travel past Jupiter’s gravitational pull of 24.79 m/s^2. JUST LOOK AT THE NUMBERS WHAT IS THIS LOGIC? LIKE DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH BIGGER THE SUN IS COMPARED TO JUPITER?!

• The Earth traveled 365 million miles in 17 years. 2451 miles per hour. Props to the jets. Not only did it send earth (freakin heavy) out of the sun’s pull, it stopped the rotation, and is sending that thing 2451 mph away from the constant (decreasing) pull of the sun. THIS SHOULDN’T EXIST?!

• ALIENS (as my mom would say)

• AND AND the whole plan was to fly towards Jupiter from the beginning (the dad saying that by the time the son can see Jupiter without a telescope, he’ll come home) but it was the movie’s conflict. This was so avoidable, like if we only flew a different direction, or waited for Jupiter’s rotation to be farther away. OR SOMETHING.

• The son came up with the idea of blowing up Jupiter to propel earth away from the pull. but there were literally 3.5 BILLION PEOPLE ON EARTH like a 21 YEAR OLD was the ONLY PERSON WHO THOUGHT OF THAT.

• But BUUTT they then claimed that some Israelis already calculated the success rate of that and it came to be 0%. AND THEY STILL TRIEd. SO MAnY PEOPle DIED

• The dad was the one who ultimately blew himself up with a conveniently placed prop. Like did he send the rest of the space people to be just floating in space? Or are they also all dead? Did he blow up the animals and plant life they claimed to be on the space ship? ISN’T THAT MUCH MORE WORTH SAVING THAN A DEAD PLANET

• THE RUSSIAN DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE

• And also, the concept of time is completely wack. The earth is no longer rotating around the sun which is the literal definition of time. yet, they somehow know that it’s been 17 years. Like sure, but why does that matter anymore? And the dad died on Chinese new year. I DIDN’T SEE YOU BRING THE FUCKING MOON ALONG HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S LUNAR NEW YEAR

• ALSO DO THEY ASSUME AMERICANS JUST CARRY THE AMERICAN FLAG EVERYWHERE THEY GO do we?